


What I Never Had

by deadhuntress



Series: Season 12 Codas [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Comfort, Description of Sex, Episode: s12e04 American Nightmare, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, but no actual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadhuntress/pseuds/deadhuntress
Summary: “Miss you,” Dean said after a few seconds, resting his head on the bed beside the phone. The sheet was scratchy against his cheek and he found himself missing his soft cotton ones in the bunker.“I miss you too,” Castiel replied immediately. Episode coda for 12x04 American Nightmare.





	

Dean couldn’t help but feel relieved when, upon returning to their motel for the night before they left for Kansas the next day, Sam decided he needed some air. He’d been in the room for all of two minutes before deciding that the best way to calm himself down was by going for a walk, which was probably true, and it was very good news for Dean, because it gave him some much needed privacy.

Sam had barely closed the door behind him before Dean had his phone out and was pressing the icon beside Castiel’s name, turning the phone on speaker before flopping down on the bed and resting the phone near his mouth.

“Hey, sunshine,” he said when it picked up, the corner of his mouth turning up without him realizing it.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel replied. He sounded pleased to hear Dean’s voice, and any residual jealousy that Dean felt about Castiel’s partnership with Crowley dissipated.

“D’you find Lucifer yet?” Dean asked, though he knew the answer already.

“No, he’s still deep in the ocean,” Castiel replied. “But when he emerges and we capture him, Rowena has promised to put him back in the cage.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Dean said absently. He was fiddling with the pillow case as Castiel spoke.

“How are you doing, Dean?” Castiel asked. Dean didn’t answer immediately and Castiel pressed on. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Dean let out a deep sigh. “S’nothing,” he said. “Just… this case brought up a lotta bad memories, y’know? Fuckin’ CPS,” he muttered. “And everywhere I go, I see mothers and their kids, just taunting me with what I never had.”

“Your mother will return,” Castiel reminded him.

Dean sighed again. “I know,” he replied. “She uh, sent me a message. Her phone died; that’s why she wasn’t replying.”

“I told you she wasn’t purposely ignoring you,” Castiel said gently. If anyone else had said that, Dean would’ve replied with a sarcastic comment and a dirty look, but when Castiel said it, he huffed in annoyance but fought back a small smile.

“Miss you,” he said after a few seconds, resting his head on the bed beside the phone. The sheet was scratchy against his cheek and he found himself missing his soft cotton ones in the bunker.

“I miss you too,” Castiel replied immediately. “You would be much better company than this _demon_.”

“I would, would I?” Dean smirked. “What’s the matter, Crowley a terrible hunting buddy?”

“You know as well as I do the answer to that,” Castiel remarked. “He won’t stop talking, he’s rude and petulant, and he reeks of sulfur.”

Dean snorted. “You’re not wrong, Cas,” he said. He smiled fondly. “If I were there, I’d be holding your hand in the front seat,” he said. “I’d fall asleep against your side ‘cause you’re warm and comfortable, and I’d kiss you for a full minute every time we stopped somewhere. And in the motel… I’d let you press me against the door as we kissed, slowly peeling each other’s clothes off before we’d fall into bed and I’d explore every inch of your body–”

“Dean…” Castiel murmured in a rough voice.

“–and I’d tease you until you got impatient and flipped me over, pinning me to the bed with that angelic strength of yours, and you’d open me up slowly before slipping inside and making pure love to me, rocking in quickly and desperately until I shouted your name and we both came. And then I’d clean you up and pull you close to me, kissing you softly until I fell asleep in your arms.” Dean’s voice was low and full of longing by the time he finished, and he felt his cheeks flush when he suddenly realized how much he’d revealed. He wasn’t usually so open with his feelings and needs – that was more Castiel’s thing.

“Dean,” Castiel said again. “That was… I wish you were here. I would…” He paused. “When I get back, we can do everything you just described.”

Dean groaned. “Need you,” he murmured.

The smile was evident in Castiel’s voice when he replied. “I need you too, Dean.”

Dean smiled despite himself and rolled over onto his back, slipping his jeans and button-down off. He tossed them across the room in the general direction of his duffel bag then turned the bedside lamp off and pulled the covers up over his shoulders. “Wish you could hold me,” he said softly, feeling suddenly vulnerable in the dark room.

“So do I,” Castiel murmured. “Would you like me to talk you to sleep?”

The corner of Dean’s mouth lifted. “Yeah, babe. Please.”

He heard a chuckle from Castiel’s end, and then the soothing sound of his voice, as he began to speak. “I remember when life first moved onto land…”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Tumblr at [thetideseternaltune](http://thetideseternaltune.tumblr.com/) (main blog) or [hunterangelkisses](http://hunterangelkisses.tumblr.com/) (SPN sideblog)!


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